Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Wet Dreams

Wet Dreams

Last night, I had a dream. It is still blurry to me right now but I know that there is a water involved -- an ocean.

We were standing on the edge of a pier watching the big waves. At first I was enjoying the scene. But it became bigger and bigger. So big the water came all over us and swiped us all away. Before we were taken away by the biggest wave, I saw a killer whale struggling against the waves.

I do not remember feeling scared when I was underwater. Actually, I felt good. I think I was smiling when I was beneath the big waves.

Then I woke up.

As I was getting ready for work, I remember I had a dream last week that also involves H2O. Last Saturday, I dreamt that we were onboard a Super Ferry when a big wave took over the ferry. It sank. Fortunately, we were near a cemented island with buildings so we swam our way towards the island. This time, I felt scared. I remember me climbing up the roof of the building just incase the water swallows the island too.

I woke up feeling a bit nervous.

I wonder what these dreams mean. Is there a connection with me being a Pisces, a water sign? I wonder if there is a connection with me being scared of water.

Is there anyone out there who can interpret a dream?

Friday, July 27, 2007

How Fucking Dare You

How Fucking Dare You

I will keep this post short and sweet hoping you will stumble through this. Let me start with the title.

How fucking dare you say what happened between is my freaking fault? And how dare you ask me the reason why I am mad at you?

Do not fucking play with me. You do not want to mess with this one.

Monday, July 23, 2007

Spice Up Manila! PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Spice Up Manila! PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Another OMFG! The Spice Girls just cannot stop giving us hot and spicy and great news for us, Spice fans.

The Spicy Girls just posted this through their Spice website

Vote for MANILAAAAA so they can say "Mehal naemin keyou!" It will all save us the trouble of going to Hong Kong to see them. Plus it will also save us the air fare!

Turn Manila to Spice City! Vote now!

*** Photos courtesy from the Perez Hilton Site (the Queen of All Media) I cannot save the picture from the actualy site so I decided to post Perez' copies of the pictures.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Saturday Night At Malate

Opposition Thoughts Before SONA

Chiz calls Ping ‘spoiler,’ Jinggoy likens him to a ‘woman scorned’
By AUREA CALICA
The Philippine Star

The word war between the opposition continues as Senators Francis Escudero and Jinggoy Estrada lashed back at Sen. Panfilo Lacson for branding them as "political mongrels."

Escudero said Lacson is a "spoiler" while Estrada likened the senator to a "woman scorned."

Sen. Alan Peter Cayetano, who was among the three senators earlier branded by Lacson as "mongrels" for supporting the bid of Manuel Villar for Senate president, said he came close to fighting back.

Villar, on the other hand, kept his distance from the issue.

Escudero issued a statement claiming Lacson was a spoiler of the opposition "very much like what he did" in the 2004 presidential elections.

Escudero said Lacson ran against the late Fernando Poe Jr. instead of working for an opposition victory in 2004.

Escudero said he was not surprised by Lacson’s "rambunctious blabber" since the opposition senator has been always consistent.

"We embraced him (Lacson) in the United Opposition and the Genuine Opposition (GO) led by (former President Joseph) Erap (Estrada) and Jinggoy whom he had been attacking and maligning. He is destroying and breaking up the opposition just because we were not following what he wanted," Escudero said.

Lacson lashed out at Escudero, Estrada and Cayetano, for supporting Villar and coalescing with other senators who are perceived administration allies.

"We cannot allow him to do that again to the opposition," Escudero added.

Escudero said he would not dignify Lacson’s name-calling.

"I don’t agree with any form of name-calling. It just doesn’t help the cause of the opposition; neither will it help Lacson’s personal cause," he said.

Lacson, according to Escudero, is so fixated with the Senate presidency issue and committee assignments to the point of sacrificing the unity and strength of the opposition on several issues against the administration.

"I am opposition and will fight for the opposition even against self- proclaimed oppositionists who cannot sacrifice and let go of his own political agenda for the sake of the opposition," Escudero said.

Escudero said the issue of supporting Villar would not overtake his stand on other issues against the administration.

"The measure would be how one will sacrifice his own personal political agenda for the sake of unity in furthering the cause of the general public," Escudero said.

Estrada, for his part, said he would rather not involve himself in name-calling but he could not accept it sitting down.

"(Lacson) is like a woman who keeps on talking and talking," Estrada said.

He even joked that even if they were called mongrels, he could assure that their tails were okay.

Estrada said he was saddened by Lacson’s name-calling since it would cause disunity among opposition senators.

He claimed the opposition senators supporting Lacson would have a caucus Sunday. He did not identify them but said Lacson deliberately skipped the four of them for the gathering.

This article came out today at The Philippine Star. They are trying soooooooo hard to upstage each other causing a rift in their own faction. Now tell me how people can trust them if they themselves are biting each other's heads off?

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Surviving A 40

Surviving A 40

I was sick the past two days. Last wednesday, I went home early from work anticipating that I have a high fever. When I checked my temperature, it barely reached 38.5. But I have a splitting headache, colds and I was sneezing for, like, every three minutes. So I decided to drink Biogesic and Decolgen. Then I slept.

When I woke up, I was feeling a lot better, or that's what I thought. My mom asked me to checked on my temperature again before I drink my medicines. I was expecting it to be lower than my previous temperature. After the thermometer rested in my kili kili for five minutes, I pullled it out. It was a freakin' 40. I drank all the necesarry medicines and cancelled all my appointments the next day. I also called in sick at GMA.

I really thought it was dengue. But I just scared the shit out of me. By the time the day ends, my fever went down to 39. I slpet for ten hours that night and it felt so good!

Yesterday, between reading The Truth About Diamonds by Nicole Richie and watching Friends DVD, I slept the entire time.

Now I am up and all better! Cancelled meetings will push through tomorrow and on Saturday, I think. And I am expecting a haggard Monday at GMA -- SONA of PGMA. I wonder what will happen: will De Venecia clap his hands excitedly like he did two SONAs ago? Will Villar do a Drilon by frowning the entire SONA?

Oh no, my entry is starting to be political. I should stop.

Suffice to say, I survived my 40. Anyway, looking back, I rarely get fever. But when I do, it is never low. It is normal for me to have high fever. Back in college, I even reached 42. But I was still able to go to school! I think this is because I had a convulsion when I was a child. I remember the first time my mom told me the story of my two titos dipping my whole body in a drum of water. I laughed just thinking of what I look like. but my two titos must be scared to death at that time.

My night outs have taken its toll. This is God's way of tapping my shoulders to tell me to slow down. I learned my lessons that I will have to take it one step at a time. I am slowing it down a bit this time.

Monday, July 16, 2007

I Am Sick.

I Am Sick.

I have colds and I sneeze about every three minutes.

My daily puyats are taking its toll in me.

I cannot wait to go home and sleep the whole afternoon.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Wept.

Wept.

You are now non existent. You fade.

Your absence seems to shout my loneliness that only I could hear.

You're gone.

You didn't even say goodbye.

Friday, July 06, 2007

Parking Lot

Parking Lot

I saw you last night - with him.

Our eyes met. You quickly looked away.

My eyes continued to stared at you. You are still full of shit but I have to admit, you are still better than the most.

Whle staring at you, flashed of what could have been run through my mind.

I could have been him. I could have been the person you are sipping coffee with. I could have been the person you are sharing stories with. I could have been that someone who will lay in your arms through a cold and stormy night. I could have been he person who could make you laugh and cry.

I could have been him.

Being a could-have-been hurts.

But what hurts for me is the realization that I still have that certain something for you. After six months of trying to move on and get over you, I am still in the process of trying. I am not over you yet.

I still love you.

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Don't (old poem)

Don't (old poem)

don’t go too near, i might love you...
i might love you more than myself...
i might fall for your empty words...
and you might leave me with this feeling
this feeling that you are loving me...
but in reality, you don't...
i hate to fall again for another one
who does not care about anyone
but himself...

but don’t go too far, i might miss you...
i might ache to hold you again...
and you might go out of my reach...
for -- how can i say this --
a day is too long without you...
without your face...
without your touch...
i might miss every second with you...
i might miss your words and your touch...
if ur not beside me as often as before...

don't go too near yet too far away from me...
just stay where you are right now...
to keep me safe from loving you more...
to keep my heart intact...
because i need some time to think...
a space to feel....
if your love is really real...
im sorry if ever i doubt you...
but my heart is tired from loving
loving someone who will leave my heart hanging...
i know u understand...

just don’t go too near yet too far....
i might love you more than myself...
when you love no one but you...

**written on December 10, 2004 for My Little Prince.

You Do Not Own Me

You Do Not Own Me

You won’t leave me alone
Ugly, empty, ugly black hole;
Ugly, ugly, hollow thoughts
Why do you play with me like that?
You make me sick and you break my heart
You make me cry and you break my spirit
You take away my pride and destroy my life
Why won’t you leave me alone?

I can feel your claws digging into my heart,
Grabbing me by the throat
And ripping me into pieces…
I feel so hollow
(I want to go insane!)
So desperately unsightly,
So desperately inadequate;
So obviously torn
Weak, weary, wretched, whiny witch
Why, why, why?

You don’t own me
And yet you make me your slave
I am despicable
I am disposable
I am detestable
I am me,
Can you say enough?
Can’t you say goodbye?
Do you love me so much?
I don’t understand this before
But now I do.

I am sitting here in million pieces
While you sip your expensive wine;
While you are with your new love;
And you think I don’t see you?
But I do!
Through the mirror that blackens my soul –
Stained, sickly, sorry, sorry soul
And all for you…
All for you!

Now i can say
You don’t know me
You don’t own me
You’ve disowned me
As I have you…

Say your prayers tonight
And feel as the sticky bedbugs bite,
For I will not let you become my gravedigger…
Black, black hole
Leave me alone!
I can dig my own decrepit grave…

I will never need you grief,
So leave me alone…

Who needs you when I already have myself?

I found this poem in some maagzine when I was in high school.

Enjoy.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Ew, Roaches!

Ew, Roaches!

This early morning, right before I could press on snooze on my cellphone alarm, a roach crept into my legs waking up all of my senses!

So I decided to go early for work because I cannot get back to sleep because the cockroach left an itchy feeling.

I think most of us hate cockroaches. But you have to admit that they are capable of adapting to different kinds of environment.

All of us will die when the world ends and when that happens, all the cockroach will survive. They will all be creeping over our dead body.

Eeew!

Christina!!!

Christina!!!

Just bought our tickets yesterday!

Cannot wait!!

Rumors say that the show is less than an hour because some songs have to be deleted in the original setlist because the Philippines is a conservative country. Oh well.

It is alos confirmed that Christina Aguilera is pregnant. Goodluck sa paghagod Christina!

Cannot wait!! Two days to go!!

Monday, July 02, 2007

Weeping Still

Weeping Still

You called last night.

You asked how I was.

I said I was fine.

There are a lot of things I wanna tell you.

Things I wanna ask.

But I cannot.

How can I?

My heart is fucking scared of the answers.

Sunday, July 01, 2007

Conversation With Twelve Year Old Chicco

Conversation With Twelve Year Old Chicco

Now Chicco: It has been a long time since I wanted to talk to you.

Twelve Year Old Chicco: I have been wanting to talk to you to.

NC: It was so much simpler in your times.

TYOC: It was.

NC: Now, it has become so much complicated. I am too much pressured to work for me to be able to help my family. Sometimes, I feel so alone and lonely. Just like right now. When I was at your phase, I was so happy with the things that I have. I was at ease with the way things are happening around me. I was care free.

TYOC: It should be simple. Life is just simple. Only we, human, tend to complicate life.

NC: I know. But I am starting to feel suffocated by the things that are bothering me.

TYOC: And that would be what?

NC: You know, usual stuff that people whine about -- life, family, work and love.

TYOC: It can be hard sometimes. But who said life is not hard? You just have to take things one step at a time. Don't think too much. Take life lightly. And think of happy thoughts.

NC: Ahuh..

TYOC: Look at the bright side of your life: you have a stable job, you have numerous 'rakets', you have great friends, plus you have your mom.

NC: But it was much happier when I was your age. The time when we, as a whole family, will go out to go to church, eat breakfast and shop.

TYOC: Chicco, you have to accept the fact that your family will never be the same again. You have to make peace with that. If not, you will continue to dwell on that for the next years. And dwelling will not do you any good.

NC: But it takes time to accept those kinds of things, you know.

TYOC: Accept it. Slowly, but surely.

NC: I wish I was your age again.

TYOC: When you were my age, you were always wishing for time to fly fast so you could work and earn money.

NC: Yeah, and now I have learned that it is not easy, I want to jump right back to my mother's fetus for me to experience another childhood. Did I deprive you of a happy childhood?

TYOC: No, my childhood is perfect as it is.

NC: Really? I am so scared that a time will come that I will regret having a bad childhood.

TYOC: You did not. Though there were bum moments, you have a childhood filled with love and fun.

NC: I wish I was still you.

TYOC: You are still me. I still live inside of you. Jaded, but still living. Unadultered and never fading. You will be forever me.

NC: Thanks. It was nice talking to you.

TYOC: Anytime.

Conversation With Twelve Year Old Chicco

Conversation With Twelve Year Old Chicco

Now Chicco: It has been a long time since I wanted to talk to you.

Twelve Year Old Chicco: I have been wanting to talk to you to.

NC: It was so much simpler in your times.

TYOC: It was.

NC: Now, it has become so much complicated. I am too much pressured to work for me to be able to help my family. Sometimes, I feel so alone and lonely. Just like right now. When I was at your phase, I was so happy with the things that I have. I was at ease with the way things are happening around me. I was care free.

TYOC: It should be simple. Life is just simple. Only we, human, tend to complicate life.

NC: I know. But I am starting to feel suffocated by the things that are bothering me.

TYOC: And that would be what?

NC: You know, usual stuff that people whine about -- life, family, work and love.

TYOC: It can be hard sometimes. But who said life is not hard? You just have to take things one step at a time. Don't think too much. Take life lightly. And think of happy thoughts.

NC: Ahuh..

TYOC: Look at the bright side of your life: you have a stable job, you have numerous 'rakets', you have great friends, plus you have your mom.

NC: But it was much happier when I was your age. The time when we, as a whole family, will go out to go to church, eat breakfast and shop.

TYOC: Chicco, you have to accept the fact that your family will never be the same again. You have to make peace with that. If not, you will continue to dwell on that for the next years. And dwelling will not do you any good.

NC: But it takes time to accept those kinds of things, you know.

TYOC: Accept it. Slowly, but surely.

NC: I wish I was your age again.

TYOC: When you were my age, you were always wishing for time to fly fast so you could work and earn money.

NC: Yeah, and now I have learned that it is not easy, I want to jump right back to my mother's fetus for me to experience another childhood. Did I deprive you of a happy childhood?

TYOC: No, my childhood is perfect as it is.

NC: Really? I am so scared that a time will come that I will regret having a bad childhood.

TYOC: You did not. Though there were bum moments, you have a childhood filled with love and fun.

NC: I wish I was still you.

TYOC: You are still me. I still live inside of you. Jaded, but still living. Unadultered and never fading. You will be forever me.

NC: Thanks. It was nice talking to you.

TYOC: Anytime.