Friday, February 03, 2006

Say What You Want To Say

Say What You Want To Say

I know this will be a cheap reaction to a very cheap post but I just want to share a lesson to those who are reading my blog.

When I was in high school, I was so desperate to fit in. I came from a learning center wherein I only have 16 classmates. I guess I was shocked when I was placed in a classroom which has 50 students inside.

Being a new student, I wanted to fit in. So I became something I was not. I tried to be nice to everyone. Sometimes, I let them step down on me in hopes that they would like me.

I think this is one of the lessons that I have learned in a hard way. For two years, I have kept myself inside a shell. I was like outside a fishbowl. I was just an observer. I saw my friends doing drugs, I did nothing about it. My friends made fun of one of our classmates, I did nothing about it. Much worse, their victim informed one of our professors about it and he singled out three of us and I was included. Did they hear anything from me? Nothing.

Back when I was young, someone told me that you cannot please everybody. I tried pleasing everyone in high school -- I failed.

So when I was in junior year, I tried to move out of my shell. I revealed the real me. I started to say what I think. I started to let them feel what I am feeling. That time, I was becoming one of them. I was no longer an observer -- I was slowly becoming a part of the scene.

When I was in senior year, I was completely out of the shell. And in fairness, I can say that they really like me for what I really am. Same thing happened when I was in college.

And now, being a part of an online community, I can say that I also tried to be nice to everyone (which is VERY hard to do). I just wanted to have a lot of friends who will accept me for who I am and for what I am. Apparently, the thing I learned in high school also applied to this community -- YOU CANNOT PLEASE EVERYONE NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY.

I tried to exert efforts to be nice, for the sake of fairness -- to the newbies and to the oldies. But still, my name (and my group) is still being dragged to an entry in the confession box. A coward moron, who chose to be nameless, bashed me and my group for the Nth time.

Well, I do not care who posted this piece of shit. And I don't give a flying fuck if he/she/it thinks that we are nothing but 'porma'. So lash us with you friggin' whip before we come and get you first. You can say whatever you want to say but you can never change me.

And one thing I want to tell you: INSECURITY CAN KILL.


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