Tuesday, February 21, 2006

23 years and counting

23 Years and Counting

When I was a child, I used to be well behaved. I used to do things the way it was supposed to be done. Even if I was well behaved, there was this child inside of me who wanted to break away.

My elementary days were empty. After my classes, I went straight home to study. Every year, I was elected as the class president. And all I ever wanted was to become the class secretary.

But there are also times that I was called in the principal's office. I was accused of doing something I did not do. And to make the matter much worse, I was accused by my best friend. I was also called by the principal because I called my classmate 'fishlip.'

I entered high school with such disgust. From a population of 16 students per classroom, I entered my first classroom with 49 male students. And that is only 1/4 of the batch.

As my previous post suggests, I tried fitting in. The child inside me didn't have a chance to break away until junior year.

As the child inside was breaking away, I started to feel the weigh of the world.

My family which I thought was perfect has its flaws. I was home one Sunday afternoon watching Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant in Notting Hill when my Dad said something which got me thinking. He said that he had already watched the movie and he said that it was good. It got me thinking. When did he watch the movie? Who was he with? That time, he claims that he works from 8 in the morning to 4 in the morning. So when did he find the time to watch Notting Hill. Turned out, the movie was good, but it ended up in my least favortie movie.

I fell in love for the first time. And it hurts a lot. Until now, everytime I see my first love, I still feel a stab in my heart. Here you learn that what Pablo Neruda says that 'loving is short but forgetting is too long' is indeed true. The mind may accept that he does not love you anymore, but the heart is slow to learn.

First love teaches you a lot of things, if the love is true. You think you are in love with person but in reality, you are just in love with the idea of being in love. Sometimes, first love is like that.
I also learned how to keep the friendship alive. When I was in high school, I hang out with the same group of guys from first year to third year. On my senior year, I started hanging out iwht different group of people. I felt much close to them than my first group. And I had to go through the thought of parting ways with them after graduation.

Though I made new friends when I was in college, we were able to maintain and keep the friendship alive.

My college friends were not that different from my high school friends. I hang out with them a lot in our mini-tambayan at the back of Letran.

I stupidly fell in love with one of my closest friends. It was the most excruciating experience I have to go through. Fortunately, three years after, I learned to move on without looking back. He is still my friend.

Two months after college, I started to work in Saga Events. I started to feel that the weigh of the world against my shoulder is getting heavier. I have to earn money to help my Mom financially. Six years after the Notting Hill revelation, my Dad is not giving enough money for the family. And sometimes, his pay is delayed. Well, I do not know if his claim is true.

And now I just turned 23, the weigh is getting heavier. I learned to grow numb to all the madness that surrounds me. But I still feel like a child. A child who broke away from what I had used to be. A child who learned a lot of things that young ones should not know. Maybe I grew up a little too soon.


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