Sunday, September 23, 2007

Happy Sad Happy Sad

Happy Sad Happy Sad

Mama Grace gave me a shirt from her trip to Bangkok with 'Happy Sad' written all over the neck line of the shirt. She said it instantly reminded her of me that's why she bought it for me. I loved it.

Anyway, I fully understand why it reminded her of me. Few years back, a mentor told me that I have a wide range of emotions. He said that it was a gift.

I do not know if I can consider it a gift. I hate it when I feel extremely happy one moment and then in a blink of an eye, I will hit rock bottom.

These past few weeks, I have been trying to resist being sad. Sunday dawn, I was about to hit rock bottom when I was on my way home from Malate. I slept through it. When I woke up, I was starting to feel perky.

I went online and surf through my Friendster, I started to answer one of those surveys. When I get to one of the questions, I stopped answering and closed the computer immediately to avoid getting depressed. Why? I did not know what the answer to How do you see yourself 5 years from now, career wise?

I actually do not know the answer. I am not the type of person who wants to have long term plans. And yesterday, it scared the shit out of me. I do not know what I will be doing five years from now.

Right now, I have a GMA contract up until May 2008. I have sideline events til March. Other than that, I have no solid plans on the coming years.

Now I am starting to get scared of what is really in store for me.


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