Sunday, October 01, 2006



I cannot believe I will actually write this entry.

Last Thursday, Super Typhoon Milenyo hit Metro Manila. The wind was strong, the rain was hard and the power was out. At around 2 PM in the afternoon, our house’s gutter began to break down. And the water was starting to pour inside our house. I will admit this: for the first time in so many years, I got scared of Milenyo.

Non stop rain poured all throughout the day. At around 6 PM, I was lying in my bed thinking of things I got myself into these past few days. I also thought of what transpired that day. After five minutes of recap, I realized one thing that I was so scared to admit: I miss having a dad.

When we watch movies or a TV Series, daddies are always on the rescue every time a big storm hits their house. Daddies' strong arms are always strong that when you are in it, you always feel safe.

Do not get me wrong, I love my mom and I am so thankful for her. But I miss having a dad. I am not saying I miss my dad. I just miss having a dad.

Sad Rainy Day

Sad Rainy Day

Ten years ago, we used to eat in this Chinese restaurant in Greenhills, Luk Yuen. We never missed a weekend back then. After hearing mass, the whole family will eat their brunch at the restaurant. Before, we used to look forward every Sunday for this family brunch.

After which, we will go to a mall to shop. My then daddy will give us a budget so we could but things that we want. And he and my mom would talk just about anything.

Ten years after, they are not speaking to each other anymore. As the cliché goes, everything changes. We changed. Or at least, they, my parents, changed.

I do not know where that changed took place. But it did not happen overnight. What I can assure you of is that some nasty bitch took over my mom’s place. I do not know if she found her way to our family slowly. No matter what, she succeeded.

I saw her already. I was caught off guard. I was doing some shopping one weekday when I saw her and my dad going down the escalator. I swear, when this situation happens again, I am ready. I won't be caught off guard.

I read somewhere that when one cries, another one is laughing. I do not know about my brothers and sister, but I cried when I first knew of this bullshit. And while crying, I can definitely hear that nasty bitch laughing. But you get used to these kinds of things as you get older. I learned how to laugh on how things are weird inside the house.

But we all have our limitation - sometimes, I breakdown. The pressure is too much. We are all living inside one roof. My parents are not talking to each other. I am just glad that I am not caught in between. I do not talk to my father also. I do not attempt to start out a conversation. If he talks to me, I will reply. But if not, I will not do any effort to talk to him. For Christ’s sake, he doesn’t even know what my course is! Let me digress so I can stress out this point. One time, he asked me about my career path. He asked me, "How would you become a manager if you are not in an executive environment?' Duh! I took Communication Arts for 4 years to be involved in production and not to become a manager. See, he does not even know what my dreams are.

Right now our Sundays are spent in an awkward silence, especially in the mornings. You can obviously feel the tension between them. And just these past few months, they are starting to say hurtful things behind each other backs.

I do not know what is more painful: the awkward, cold silence or the things they say behind each other’s back.

I am so glad I have fond memories of my family to look back because even though we changed, our memories did not.
**written last September 24, 2006.