Family Portrait

Family Portrait

We were driving along a street, on our way to some place. My dad was driving, my mom was in the pasenger seat and I was in the backseat, together with my siblings. Our conversation started with the recent evictee from Pinoy Big Brother, Say. It was weird since after Raquel was evicted, I seldom watch the show.

"Break na si Say at si JB!" Dad announced "sinabi kagabi sa Pinoy Big Brother." I was in between my sister and my brother so I leaned forward, slowly thinking of what I will say.

"Akala ko ba nasa office ka ng hangang 4 AM, paano mo napapanuod ang PBB," I asked.

To my surprise, Dad immediately answered, "Sa bahay ng kabila, dun ako umuuwi muna bago ako umuwi sa inyo." Sa bahay ng kabila means sa bahay ng isa pang babae because we do not have any other house.

I was speechless. Of course, this was a direct admission that his claim that he is in the office til 4 AM is not true.

Mom, who was still seated at the passenger seat, simply said, "Buti pa yun kabila, nauuwian mo ng maaga, kami hindi. Bakit hindi ka na lang dun umuwi."

I was leaning my head in between the driver seat and the passenger seat. And I can't help but thinking that this was finally going to end everything between my Mom and my Dad. I listened eagerly.

Dad simply answered, "Hindi mo maiintidihan kung bakit ako umuuwi pa sa atin. May mga bagay na hindi ko maiwan." Then he looked over the rear view mirror. He caught my eyes, I looked away.

How can I look at him? I was guilty of hoping that there will come a day when he will not return from work. I closed my eyes.

Then the car stopped to God knows where. I opened my eyes. It was dim. I was back in my room. It was just a dream.

I closed my eyes again and the dream finds its way back to my mind. I again opened my eyes while few questions run through my head.

What could possible be the 'bagay na hindi ko maiwan' that Dad was talking about us?
Could that be us, his kids?
How will Dad feel if he finds out that his kids, the things that he cannot leave, do no want to talk to him the way we used to talk to him before?
When this will this be over?

Then I was confused with myself. As much as I wanted this problem over, my mind was divided on how I want this thing to end. Part of me wishes I would wake up one day just to find out that Dad did not come home. Part of me wants the problem to resolve itself. But how can it resolve itself when the two parties involved, my Mom and Dad, cannot even look each other in the eye? Part of me just wants to ignore the problem and act as if there is no problem at all.

My eyes wandered around the room when my eyes caught our family portrait near my bed. I stared at it. It was taken just last Christmas. We look very happy and normal. Or at least we are good on pretending.

Originally posted at my Tabulas site on December 7th, 2005

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PS: Father's day na ba kahapon?